This Basically Describes How I Feel Right Now

Find Me, Bill Murray. I'll be your wingman.

Check out this article about The Man, The Myth, The Legend. Bill Murray.

New Karaoke City

"New York will be better for having your karaoke talent." - Katie T.

I completely agree.

Merrill Hoge

I find very few things to be a bigger waste of my time than to watch Merrill Hoge break down game footage on ESPN. I'll watch NFL Live all day long, but I just don't need anywhere near the kind of detail that old Merrill loves throw my way. However, I did enjoy the following video. If nothing else, it reminds me of the old days of ESPN when they legitimately covered weird ass stuff like Pee-Wee Football, rodeos, and jet skiing. (They still do cover most of this stuff from time to time, but back in the day it was the meat and potatoes of their programming.)

Do your thing Merrill HogePodge Lynch:

Turncoat

I'm turning in my Prius and shorts for a Metro Card and layers. Yep, I'm moving from LA to NYC in the new year.

Damn, It Feels Good

In regards to my previous post

Me and the boys, circa 2003.

Question: Do I have this blown up into poster size?
Answer: Obviously.

In The Wee Small Hours

Mayer's Thanksgiving tradition on The Late Show is always enjoyable, and I especially like this cover of Sinatra's In The Wee Small Hours

We Are All Peter Gibbons

I wish I could do this.

No movie could capture the American office experience any better than Office Space did. It is easily on of my Top 10 Favorite Movies of All Time. (Maybe I'll put together that list for a future post.)

Enjoy the whole Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta' Sequence.

Let's Do This Thing

Teen Attacks Cougar

First of all, only in Florida.

Second of all, this video is wrongly titled. When you go into the cage of a cougar, the cougar didn't attack you, you attacked the cougar and it acted in self defense. A cougar has a right to defend itself against white trash, all day everyday.

Just A Thought About RIM

The Canadian based company that makes The BlackBerry is called Research In Motion , and is commonly referred to as RIM. So if you work for Research In Motion, according to the transitive property, you have a "RIM Job."

No?

One More From Billy "The Sports Guy" Simmons

Reason No. 951: The post-title buying spree
I ran out of space in my dresser recently and pulled everything out for the depressing what's-staying-and-what's-going ritual, which seems to happen every four years (kind of like the Olympics). My dresser has five drawers and holds a ton of stuff; it's bigger than Nate Robinson. I probably hadn't opened the bottom drawer in two years, so as I was pulling stuff out, suddenly there they were—folded on top of one another, smelling a little mothbally—eight different T-shirts related to the 2004 Red Sox title.

Why did I buy eight when two would have sufficed? When you haven't won in a while, you briefly lose your mind. I took some time to figure out everything I bought after that 2004 title, and here's the final tally: eight T-shirts, one sweatshirt, one World Series jersey, three DVDs (including the 12-disc boxed set), a Topps cards set, one leather-bound SI, four framed pictures, two bobbleheads, three hats and two game-used World Series baseballs. (Missing: The Fever Pitch DVD, sent to me by a production company, that I tossed in the garbage.) Now that, my friends, is a textbook post-title buying spree.

If the Ducks won a National Championship I would put that list to shame. As it is I'm wearing Oregon sneakers and an Oregon watch, and I'm at work, and it's a bye week.

Not that we haven't had our chances:





As I look at those pictures I long for what was, and what was almost.

I Predict It Will Rain In Oregon

Despite the sarcastic title, it is genuine when I say that this is another gem from The Sports Guy. From his article titled, Hopkins. The Sternado. Yup, it's time to play "More Reasons I Love Sports."

Reason No. 942: My old notebooks
I write down ideas for my column all the time—in notebooks, on cocktail napkins and $100 bills, you name it. Recently I found a notebook from last spring that included a skeleton for a Why I Love Sports column that never got written. There were 25 potential candidates jotted down, including (and this was exactly how I wrote it) "The Inevitable Brett Favre Comeback." Tee hee.

I Dig My New Screen Saver

I'm really digging my new screensaver. All you have to do (if you have a mac) is go to the Desktop & Screen Saver section of System Preferences, click the Apple folder, and click iTunes artwork. You get to look at cool album artwork as it rotates through your music library, and it's also a reminder of how cool you are for having all of these cools albums.

p.s. It's a little embarrassing when the Blake Lewis EP comes on the screen, but I bought that for my Moms so back off. (In my head I yell "back off" like I'm Happy Gilmore.

The Sports Czar

This all sounds great. Do it Barack.

From ESPN's The Sports Guy:

Q: I would like to nominate you, Bill Simmons, for a new Sports Czar position in the Obama cabinet. It's a position that's needed in government, no? You're the only one who can save this country from future sports missteps.
-- Travis, Minneapolis

SG: Travis, I accept your nomination even though I lack the legal background, the authority and the connections. With 10 weeks to fine tune my platform before President Obama officially takes office, here's a rough draft of ideas I'm kicking around. Some of them have already been mentioned in this column; I just wanted to get everything in one place. Feel free to send me any additional suggestions. On the first week of 2009, I will post a complete platform for my bid to become the first Sports Czar.

Creations: A college football playoff system; a uniform boxing organization; a better trophy for the World Series; championship belts for the defending NBA champs that they must bring to every game; a hierarchy of alcoholic beverages for baseball celebrations (cheap beer, then good beer, then cheap champagne, then good champagne); an NBA expansion team in Seattle, effective for the 2010-11 season; a no-exception three-city rotation for the Super Bowl among New Orleans, Miami and San Diego; a full-length indoor basketball court in the White House, with all games involving Obama televised on NBA TV; a purple Masters-type sports coat for the winning March Madness coach (presented to him by last year's coach as Jim Nantz orgasmically looks on); relegation for Major League Baseball (a 30-team league with the bottom two teams forced to move to Triple-A for a year).

Eliminations: The backstroke, butterfly and breaststroke events in the Olympics; baseball managers cannot wear uniforms anymore; no more seat licenses, NIT or Tony Siragusa; no NFL division champ can make the playoffs unless it wins nine games; no more three-man booths except for Van Gundy, Jackson and Breen; the bullpens can't empty during a baseball fight; no NHL ticket can cost more than $75; no tax write-offs for season tickets, but you CAN write off luxury suites; no more sideline reporters unless they agree to dress like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman"; no more cell-phone calls by spectators during sporting events (you can only text); no more sunglasses in the World Series of Poker.

Restructures: The NHL will disband eight teams, move a few more to Canada and form 11-team conferences in the United States and Canada; Fox's No. 1 team for baseball broadcasts will be selected in a vote by the users of foxsports.com; the Nets and Bobcats will merge and move to Vegas next season (and become the Las Vegas Dice); the Utah Jazz and New Orleans Hornets will switch nicknames; Gus Johnson will be promoted to CBS' lead play-by-play guy for March Madness and the Final Four; Buffalo residents can purchase the Bills in a public trust (like how Sconnies own the Packers); all "live" sporting events will be shown live again and not on a brief tape delay, and if anyone out there can't handle hearing an occasional F-bomb, then don't watch live sporting events; a three-game exhibition season for the NFL with two regular-season bye weeks (not one); the entry fee for the WSOP will be raised to $25,000; two rounds for the Home Run Derby and that's it; H-O-R-S-E for NBA All-Star Weekend; ESPN Classic's budget is tripled; the Olympics and World Cup will happen every three years (not four).

New rules: No pregame show will be allowed to have more than four people (except for NBC's "Football Night in America," which will shift to a "Hollywood Squares" format); if you purchase a player's jersey and that player is traded within 12 months, you can return the jersey and buy a new one for half price; incoming college freshman recruits don't have to honor an NCAA scholarship if their sleaze-bag coach ditched them after he signed them; all professional owners either have to sell their team before they turn 80 or before they start looking like a sea monster; a forced agreement where the NFL Network is carried by all cable systems; baseball fans get to vote on the entrance music for their closers; golfers have to carry their own bags for the PGA Championship; the "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" will replace the Australian Open as tennis' fourth major (with the top six male and female tennis players competing against MTV cast members); no more 20/20 flashes on sports radio shows (we move to a 30/30 flash); the U.S. Olympic basketball team cannot have anyone over 25 years old; David Halberstam's "The Breaks of the Game" must be re-released; Chris Rose will be liberated from "The Best Damn Sports Show" and given a better show; Tropicana Field is immediately blown up; Isiah Thomas will replace Donna Orender as the commissioner of the WNBA, effective immediately.

Literary Icon Puns

There is a cleaning service called Thoreau Services, Inc. Nationwide . I don't think the name of Henry David Thoreau, one of the great American thinkers, an Abolitionist and inspiration of both Mahatma Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr., should be tied to a janitorial service that wants to imply that they are a) clever, and b) thorough. Not that it's not honorable work, but come on.

I do not approve of that literary pun any more than I approve of a license plate my friend Chris once saw parked in the faculty parking lot outside the English Department of our university that said, "Eyre Go." No on likes a smugly punny English teacher.

If you want to say ergo, or anything else awesome, here's how it's done:

Why Tyler Hansbrough Didn't Turn Pro

Don't listen to all this noise.

I'll Be There

Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are producing a one-man Broadway show, starring Ferrell as George Bush.

And believe you me, I'll Be There.

Paul Motherfuc*ing Rudd

You know how I know your gay?

I'm a big Paul Rudd fan, and I've been on the bandwagon since way before it existed. I don't think I liked him in Clueless initially, because he ended up with Alicia Silverstone, and 9 year old me was a little jealous. But it wasn't long before I dealt with my jealousy and realized that Rudd was hilarious. It takes pure genius to sleep with your underaged, ex-step-sister in a movie and still have the audience like you. Ladies and gentleman, Paul Rudd is that genius. So, clearly I'm going to go see my half-Jewish brethren (although he might actually be full Jew, not to be confused with full retard) in Role Models tonight, which he co-wrote and is starring in.

In this interview , Rudd talks about the possibility of his appearance in two possible sequels, ANCHORMAN 2 , and Ghostbusters . . . 8? .

Rudd’s out spruiking “Role Models” at the moment, a comedy he’s done with Seann William Scott, and in an interview with Aint it Cool News mentioned the “Ghostbusters 3” and “Anchorman 2” rumours that have been circling the web. If the info super-highway is to be believed – and you just know it is – he’s in both those films. Not that they exist. Yet.

‘’All of a sudden, these different rumors, and I only heard about it kind of like the same way everybody else had, which was exciting", Rudd says of the abovementioned titles, adding that the "Anchorman" sequel would be especially fun to do, "I kind of thought, ‘Oh, it’d be really fun’, because it was a blast making ANCHORMAN, and they were great. They’re amazing, all those guys. I saw Will Ferrell and talked about it with him briefly. And, I e-mailed Adam McKay, saying ‘I’m so into the idea of doing it,’ but, it has to be weirder than ANCHORMAN. I mean, there’s no point…I mean, I think everyone thinks there’s no point in doing it, unless it’s something very strange and funny and specific. But, I do think that everybody is excited about the idea. It just needs to be written. And, getting Adam and Will to…their schedules are so crazy.’’

Rudd also mentioned the "Ghostbusters 3" rumours over at Metromix.

''If I was in the next Ghostbusters film, I feel like I could slime just about anybody in the cast and I don't even need a ghost or a proton pack', he said.

If the ANCHORMAN crew can get together and make something even weirder than ANCHORMAN (one of my all time favorites), count me in.

As for his comment on a Ghostbusters sequel. Well, that quote is just proof that ANCHORMAN 2 should at least be efforted

Rudd on The Daily Show last night

Yes We Did

Image From ObeyGiant

P.S. I'm still bummed, as I have been for months, that the now famous HOPE poster, was a limited edition. Maybe they'll sell VICTORY.

Gran Torino

It doesn't look great, but I'll be damned if I don't go see Gran Torino on opening weekend.

Hope Is Not A Buzz Word

Image from The Huffington Post

This blog by John Mayer for The Huffington Post synthesizes something I've been saying for a long time. When my Dad asks why I believe in Barack Obama I respond that it's about more than just policy, it's truly about hope. He represents a hope for the future, a belief that there are politicians that care about us and that don't make us feel stupid for caring about them in return. I truly believe that there is a genuine bond of trust between Obama and the electorate. We are a generation born into cynicism and raised with the fear of 9/11. 9/11 was the most formative event of our generation, and it has affected both subconsciously and consciously in ways that we still don't even know. I was 16 on 9/11, and it will forever be a part of me.

On September 12th, 2007 I wrote the following blog.
Avoiding The Day:

I didn’t even realize I was avoiding it until the day was over.

I caught a little bit of the memorial pictured above on SportsCenter, but only by accident and I subconsciously left the room when it came on. I spent most of the day in my car listening to new music, I watched a movie, I did laundry, I ate out (twice), I did everything but think about September 11th. It’s not that I forgot, I knew exactly what day it was, it’s one of the first things I thought about when I woke up. I just didn’t want to think about it.

When I try to think about it, the thought itself prevents me from being able to think. There is so much emotion and memory that my heart blocks my brain from being able to get very far.

I don’t want to forget, but sometimes it’s hard to make myself remember.

-Alex

We are a generation that has never known what it's like to believe in a candidate or even in our government. But we want to have hope, and we want to care. We want to America to be everything we know it can be. I believe in Barack Obama, I trust Barack Obama. And it feels good.


This says it perfectly:

HOPE IS NOT A BUZZ WORD:
By, John Mayer
The Huffington Post

I was 23 years old when the nation was attacked on September 11, 2001. I can remember hearing pundits say "this changes everything" and "things will never be the same." Obviously it was a tragic and traumatic event, but that sentiment has carried on through the better part of my twenties. If you were 43 years old on that day, I would imagine it was a difficult concept to get your head around as well, but if you were a young adult just entering his or her individual life, there was an added twist; how can you process the idea of everything changing and things never being the same when you have no point of reference for what "everything" and "the same" is? I was just beginning to put my hands on the world around me, to interact and engage with it, and to actualize the dream of being an adult in a free society. To wait in line for 23 years only to have the "sorry, future canceled" sign flipped in my face was depressing, to say the least.

The social and political narrative of the last eight years, if you're a young adult, has been "you are the first generation of the second half of the rest of human existence." That's a huge psychological undertaking, and I believe it's one that will someday be diagnosed on a massive scale as having led to a kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (Something has to explain away our premature obsession with 1980s nostalgia.) My generation has come to know itself as the generation that should have seen the good days, my, were they spectacular, now take off your shoes and place them on the belt.

What Barack Obama says to me is these days are good for something. Just when I'd thought my only role as an adult was to help shoulder the nation through its darkest days (known to us as "the rest of them"), Obama gives me the feeling that I could be alive to witness one of the most brilliant upturns in a country's history. Imagine that -- a young adult in this day and age being given something to someday brag to his children about having being alive to witness. What a concept.

That's why hope is a worthwhile commodity. To those who question whether hope is a tangible product worth building a campaign around, I'd say take a look at despair and how powerful that has been in reshaping how people think and live. I believe the definition of the "hope" that Barack Obama enthuses operates on the unspoken thesis that there has to be a polar opposite to the despair of 9/11. Because if we accept that there's not, the will to live becomes forever altered. To adults who will vote for him, Barack Obama represents a return to prosperity. To the youth, he represents an introduction to it.

RoboCop

Can't wait for the album.

To Do

1. Wake Up. 
2. Eat Cereal.
3. Watch Mad Men on laptop.
4. Go For A Run.
5. Vote.
6. Eat Lunch.
7. Write (because it's your job, remember?).
8. Socialize.

Nowhere on this was write or read a blog, yet I'm doing both.

Update: 7:17 PM

1. Check.
2. Check.
3. Check.
4. Check.
5. Check.
6. Check.
7. Check.
8. Check.

First time I've done that in a little while.

CHRIS! ROCK! CHRIS ROCK!!!

Last night I went to the Laugh Factory for a show of basically unknown comics, and then towards the end a, "very special guest" was announced. All of a sudden Chris Rock starts walking up the aisle next to me and hops on stage! Not to mention I was in the front row. Apparently he's going to be on The Tonight Show tonight, and he wanted to work out some new material. I've always hoped to be at a comedy club, and have a huge comedian come unannounced to work out some new material like I had seen in Jerry Seinfeld's Comedian , but to have it be Chris Rock, was like a dream come true. He just went up there and just basically freestyled for 15-20 minutes, putting jokes together as he went. It was awesome to watch a genius at work. Yeah, genius, and I don't mean that in any kind of funny way.

Just to give you an idea of how cool this was for me, when I was a kid I watched The Chris Rock Show late at night on HBO (which was way too adult, and way too late for how old I was), read his book in a day, and have seen all his movies and HBO specials. I think that him and Jerry Seinfeld are probably two of Top 5 comedians of all time, and now I've seen them both perform in person.

I don't even know if I wrote this well enough to make it worth reading, but I don't care, last night was awesome.

Sex Drive

Sometimes I just like to go to the movie theater by myself, look at the marquee and just go see whatever is playing soonest. Last night it was Sex Drive. I arrived at 7:48 and it started playing at 7:50. Perfect. I was unsure about this movie from it's trailer, but I like Clark Duke from www.clarkandmichael.com and the director made his way in through the ultra indie rout so I was glad to give it a shot.

I definitely think if you're looking for a fun couple of hours at the theater this is worth a shot. Pretty well done, and a lot of good little jokes throughout. Also, for those of you who care, it was shot by Director of Photography Tim Orr, who is the shit.

Bee-Tee-Dub (btw) ((by the way))

I really liked the movie Good Dick. I wrote about this movie about a week ago, and went to see it soon after. Check their website to see if/when the movie is playing in your town, and if it isn't (and it probably isn't) I recommend that if you like indie films you should rent this on Netflix when it comes out on DVD.

Powell Endorses Obama

If that doesn't do it for ya, I don't know what will.

Hilarious

I remember watching this years ago, and now, thanks to HULU we can all enjoy it.

All the fun of To Catch A Predator without any of the messed up reality. Here are Julia Louis-Dreyfus and a bunch of perverts learning how to make a myspace page on a SNL.

"One-thousand one-hundred and ninety-one is my favorite number."

Good Movie, Possibly.

This movie called, get ready . . . Good Dick, actually looks pretty good. The title seems unnecessarily provocative, but it's hard to get movies made and even harder to get them seen, so I understand why they did it. In addition to costarring the hilarious Martin Starr of Knocked Up, Undeclared and other Apatow family productions, Good Dick is from first time writer/director/star Marianna Palka. I've got a ton of respect for anyone who can successfully do one of those three jobs, let alone the triple threat. I hope Good Dick is a good movie, and I will hopefully get to go see it this weekend. Here is the trailer.

p.s. Good luck googling images from this movie without seeing a ton of random dong.

Update: Finally found the film's website. There are very limited screenings, so if you want to see it you better plan ahead and live in big city. www.gooddickthefilm.com

Mail Goggles = Hilarious and Brilliant. My favorite combination.

Google has invented Mail Goggles . Essentially it makes you go through a series of tests (math problems, etc.) before you can send an email. As far as I understand it, the user chooses times that it would like to have Mail Goggles activated (Weekend Nights) and then it helps prevent you from sending drunken emails. I'm not much of a gmail user, I only have a gmail account for this blog, but I'm just a fan of the concept.

Kathryn Hahn

My sister has just emailed me to tell me that she recently saw Boeing Boeing on Broadway and particularly enjoyed Kathryn Hahn in the play. You probably know Kathryn Hahn from her supporting roles in How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Anchorman, The Holiday, and Step Brothers, but you will also get to see her in the film I posted about below, Revolutionary Road.

She's kind of like the Jeremy Piven of actresses, but before Jeremy Piven got famous for becoming Ari Gold . She's in a ton of stuff, she's always great, but very few people know who she is. And because Adam McKay and Will Ferrell know what's up, the first feature film made by their production company, Gary Sanchez Productions , stars both Piven and Hahn. It's called The Goods: The Don Ready Story , and it should be coming out in the Spring of 2009.

I would also like to add that she is probably one of the nicest people you could meet. Hollywood or otherwise.

Revolutionary Road

The cast, the director, the cinematographer, the editor, the composer, and on and on are all impeccable. I can't wait for this one. Oh, and it's from a novel by Richard Yates, who I believe is the real life inspiration for Elaine's dad on Seinfeld. Here is the trailer. And here is the song from the trailer.

Yes, please. May I have another?

Campbell Brown

I'm currently watching Campbell Brown's Election Center on CNN. I've never watched her before, but I like her. She seems smart, not annoying, and attractive (ignore the ridiculously airbrushed photo above). Don't judge me for liking attractive anchorwomen, I know you girls watch Anderson Cooper for more than the commentary.

But that's besides the point, the reason I'm writing about this is because when I googled Campbell (yeah, I feel like we're on a first name basis) I found this interesting article she wrote about the sexist treatment of Sarah Palin.

Wink And A Smile

I'm sure a better winking montage could be made of Sarah Palin but for the time being this one will have to do.

Online Dating: A Theory

First of all, that logo is creepy. And I don't overuse the word creepy, you really must earn that title from me.

Okay, here's my theory. I think that online dating is, in a weird way, taking the place of traditional dating in our culture. Here's what I mean: In the old days it was okay to ask somebody on a date (maybe even showing up with flowers), pay for dinner, call them, do nice things for them, and be clear about your intentions. You didn't have to hide that you liked someone when you went out with them. You were on a date, and both parties knew that the intention was to see if there was a romantic connection.

These days, that doesn't happen. You hang out, you text, you stalk on facebook, maybe you even hook up. But god forbid you should go on a real date, or actually show someone that they mean something to you, because that's just creepy.

This is where internet dating has stepped in. While it was once a medium that was looked down upon by society, it seems to me that more and more normal people turn to internet dating these days as a way to meet people. And the reason they are doing this, is because it is clear. When you meet someone on the internet there is no confusing whether it is about being friends or dating. That first in person meeting is undeniably a date, and both people are aware that there are romantic intentions. This leads to people actually going on dates and making progress towards a relationship.

So in a weird way internet dating has come full circle and gone from being the least traditional form of dating, to actually being one of the last things left that resembles dating.

And finally, here's the problem. There are those of us who still want to meet people in person, but everyone is at home all night on the internet, and slowly but surely more and more normal and even cool people are doing the online dating thing, so the pool of people that are looking to meet other people out in the real world is steadily shrinking.

Well, I'm here to say that I'm going to continue to try to date via the real world web, and I hope you do to.

Well Said

Check out this post from KisforKatie

Thank You Paul Newman

That poster hangs on my wall. Paul Newman was one of the true greats.

Couldn't Agree More

More TV You Should Watch

Here's a nice little Thursday night line up. Obviously, first you should watch The Office, which you already do, Thursdays @ 9 on NBC. Then . . .



I've started watching 30 Rock, which took me awhile to get into, but once I got used to the style and characters I was hooked. The new season starts on October 30th, which gives you plenty of time to get caught up on DVD. (Four episodes are available for free on www.hulu.com) Thursdays @ 9:30 on NBC.



It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. If they can maintain it, they will make my all time shortlist which is always and forever topped by Seinfeld. This show has already started it's new season but it is also available on DVD, and most of it's first 3 seasons are available on www.hulu.com Thursdays @ 10 on FX.

Are you kidding me?

It is absurd that the interviewee is running for Vice President of the United States of America. Katie Couric looks like she wants to pause real life and switch seats with Sarah Palin before something goes seriously wrong.

Katie Couric's Interview With Sarah Palin

Mind-Blowingly Inappropriate or: How I Learned To Stop Being Manly And Start Loving Gossip Girl

At the risk of this blog getting extremely girly, I would like to state that one of my favorite new shows is Gossip Girl. I first became interested in the show during the spring when they launched this ad campaign:




Then with the advent of their newest ad campaign, I began to watch:




I think the campaigns are brilliant in both concept and execution. They have a great look, and are provocative in the best kind of way. The show itself is surprisingly entertaining, hilarious, and well made.

"Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here . . . have fun in reform school. " - Blair Waldorf.

Oh man, I was cracking up when I heard that one.

She & Him, Volume One

Pleasant and Delightful.

She & Him, Volume One on iTunes

the mixtape about nothing

A socially conscious rapper who is a fan of Seinfeld, creates a Seinfeld themed mixtape, and where's Jordan's on the cover. I'm a fan. I haven't heard the whole mixtape yet, but I love "The Opening Title Sequence." -Note the lyrical Seinfeld theme in addition to the musical one. "What's the deal with . . . ?"- Once I listen to the whole tape I will comment further, but something tells me that like "the show about nothing", "the mixtape about nothing" will be about quite a bit.

Legend

Don Rickles won an Emmy last night, for the great documentary about his life, Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project . Comedy ages faster than just about anything else in the world, but at 82 years old he is still hilarious, and was by far the funniest part of the show.

Love Re-Locked Down

Kudos to Kanye, the new version is definitely a step up.

Listen Here

Image From Here

Burn After Reading

I seem to be into a lot of offbeat things right now, things that other people aren't digging as much, and I'm cool with that. First it was the new Kanye song, then the Seinfeld commercials for Microsoft and now it's Burn After Reading. I don't think it's going to find a huge audience, but I really dug it. Just go and have fun watching great talent play.

(That is the International Poster)

Conquistador

So what if these don't make sense.

Word Up

The Duplex

(I just like this picture, it has nothing to do with the story. The only real tie is that I took the picture, and I wrote the story.)

The duplex had been cleared and it was time for new tenants to move in. With four bedrooms in each duplex, at least 8 college students would be filling the walls of 1374 &1375 Walnut Road in Brewer’s Corner, Idaho. In 1374, four young, independent minded frat brothers filled their duplex with fancy electronics, leather furniture, a dart board, and a pony keg. In 1375, nine slightly older, mediocre collegiate baseball players filled their 4 bedrooms with bunk beds and chewing tobacco.

At around dusk on this mid-September evening, the frat brothers each plugged in a Foreman Grill and started cooking their cubed beef steaks, some even popped some Easy Mac in the microwave so that they could have two courses. Looking out their window the brothers saw the baseball players hitting baseballs up against the wall of their duplex. “Looks like a fun group guys,” said one brother. A chuckle was had, but the joke was quickly forgotten when Dane Cook came on Comedy Central in the background. The brothers could be seen flashing each other the “Su-Fi” as they started yelling ecstatic obscenities, tossed their meals on some plastic plates and hurled themselves on the couches around the tv.

As the night grew darker and the pony keg was being thoroughly enjoyed in 1374, a number of rumbles, some might even say, crashes, could be heard from 1375. Intrigued by what was going on next door, and interested in making friends with the new neighbors, the most sober of the frat brothers, James, made his way next door to invite the baseball players over for some beers.

As he knocked on the door, it slowly swung open, revealing a home, completely dark, but noticeably destroyed. “Hello?” said James. Popping up from behind a chair was a 6’4” broad shouldered, bald man, who could have been 19 or 34, wearing a miner’s helmet with a flashlight on the front, “what’s up?” he uttered with a dumb open mouthed wonderment on his face. “What are you guys doing in here?” asked James. The baseball player whose name was Skip, but it could have easily been Brody, Cody, Brad, or even Todd slowly and difficultly explained that the previous tenant had the power turned off and so until they could get it fixed they were going to play flashlight tag in the dark. Ever the gentlemen, James still invited Skip or Brody or Cody or Brad or even Todd and all of his roommates to come next door and enjoy some beers. Not to his surprise, the offer was quickly declined and the game of flashlight tag, a la miner’s helmets, ferociously continued on.

James returned to his side of the duplex, did a keg stand, and was never asked to explain what had happened at 1375 to anyone, he certainly didn’t volunteer the information. The only time that the story of James’s visit to 1375 ever came up was when he would explain future noises coming from next door with the quip, “Ever since they told me they play flashlight tag, I’ve assumed they’re idiots.”

-NDP

Ye

I dig the song, I dig the album art for the single, and I dig that Ye did an unproven offbeat song for his big show closing performance at the VMAs. Curious to see what my man Ye has up his sleeves for album #4.

I Believe

Why I Don't Have A Girlfriend

There are probably many reasons, but one of them is obvious. I'm sitting next to my friend Josh right now, and he is on his cell phone with his girlfriend. I literally thought he was just resting on his hand and looking at his computer, because for a good 20 minutes I never heard him say a single thing, then he said something like, "Oh, really?" And he went quiet again for at least ten minutes before eventually agreeing with whatever was said and saying good night.

Josh knows what he's doing. He gets it. I don't.

XOXO, Blogger

I have recently become more entrenched in the blogosphere for a number of reasons, that are not very important. What's important is that my world is opening up to a whole new world of writers that are really interesting, and have a unique voice. Many of these bloggers are women, presumably in their 20s-ish, who have made culture a huge part of their life, and they are happy to share their passion for it with the world. Or more accurately the blogosphere.

One of my favorite aspects about these writers is their slang, lingo, and overall dialect. I truly enjoy the cheery and blissful way that they express their thoughts, and their overall enjoyable view point on the world over. One of my favorite parts of this is when someone writes in a way that just feels fun and then signs their name with an "xo" attached to it. So if my name was actually NiceDangPaes, I would sign my name -NiceDangPaesxo

If this felt false I wouldn't enjoy it even a little, but these chicks are clearly writing about things that they truly care about and they are more than happy to spread their love a little bit.

So to this new world of writers who make it their duty to spread the culture they care about to broader audiences, or just enjoy gossiping about The Hills. I say keep on keepin on.

-NDPxo

Laughrodisiac

During our 5 day tour of Los Angeles, Las Vegas and San Diego this weekend one of the many sources of laughter was Chris's impersonation of Reverend Wright. Chris does a ridiculously good/loud impersonation of Reverend Wright's, "Not God Bless America. God Damn America!" And it happened at incredibly hilarious and inappropriate times throughout the weekend. It sounded just like this only way way louder. Until I can get Chris on Video, just take a look at the clip, amplify the volume ten fold, and imagine Chris in restaurants, casinos, airports, sidewalks, etc. around the fair cities of Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and San Diego.

I should add that we are all big supporters of Senator Obama, and Chris is just funny.

. . . And Hilarity Ensues

Hannah "Fine Wine" Storm

One of the greatest names in reporting is back in the world of sports. I think she's been floating around the airwaves for awhile, but the NBA on NBC host of my childhood, Hannah Storm, is now hosting the new, live morning edition of Sports Center. At some point, in the last ten years, Hannah got kind of hot.

Hannah used to look like this:



And she showed up on my TV this morning looking like this:



This is not quite as cool as when I saw Summer Sanders in the airport, but I'm still pretty excited to have this new and improved Hannah Storm back in my daily, sports watching life.

Something To Think About

I think people are generally good, and operate with best intentions. I have a lot more to say about this, but for the time being, just think about the concept that most people are really trying to do the best that they know how.

Christmas In July

Feel Free To Talk Behind My Back

"I would never say anything behind their/your back, that I wouldn't say to their/your face." -Random Person Trying To Sound Noble.

Is that really such a virtue? Sometimes things need to be said, venting needs to occur, and you don't need to say that to a person's face. Talking behind someone's back is a good thing, it's a courtesy. But like anything else, do it in moderation. And be careful to not start sucking as a person.

It's like my friend Mike says, "Sometimes I'll say all kinds of shit about people, shit that would be cruel if I said it to their face, and then I sort of work my way backwards from there. 'Well, it's not exactly like that, and I was sort of being a dick too.' But, sometimes I need to start off dropping bombs, and I better not do it on their face."

Cheerio!

Good For Me

While I have heard of The Jonas Brothers, I've never heard one of their songs. Good job, me.

I'm Seeing Sounds

I got to see one of my favorite bands, N.E.R.D. (No one Ever Really Dies) in concert last week, and it was a sincere pleasure. Now their album is out,and it's awesome like always. The album is called, "Seeing Sounds." Buy it by using my spiffy link.

My early favorite off of the album is, "Anti Matter." The hook makes me want to dance in a rebellious manner. Listen to a ripped version of the song via YouTube.

There Will Be Popcorn

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Things That Are Happening

These are the filmmakers from Indie Comedy, "The Foot Fist Way". From left to right, Ben Best, Jody Hill and Danny McBride. They made this movie for $70,000 (which is paltry for movies, I've worked on tightly budgeted short films with budgets more than half that), and it is hilarious. Credit to Gary Sanchez Productions for believing in these guys, and putting this film out there for everyone to see. It's only in LA and NY right now, but it should be expanding soon. Do a Google News search for these guys to read more about how they did this, and what they're doing now.



Parties like this were ALL over LA this weekend. When I went to the movie theater this weekend it took me at least 30 minutes and a handful of illegal maneuvers to find parking. Groups of girls and highly stylized men were dressed to the nines, and there was no mistake that they were out to celebrate. I don't even want to know how many Cosmopolitans were sold this weekend. Bravo ladies, you wanted your big weekend, and when you got it, you took advantage of it. But I think the really story is not how many of these parties there were, and the huge business that the movie did, but how many fights were had. With all these parties, dresses, and cosmos you know there were some fights about who was invited, what was being worn, whose boyfriend could come, why is she here? I'm not riding with her! Etc. Etc.